you are my beautiful disaster

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

OO UPDATE!~

I will not be posting as much as usual already, mostly due to exams and maybe some personal reason. lol.

up to this point where you just feel so lost, depressing, disorganized, inconsistent, faded.
and you wanted to throw away 'everything' - full of sorrows and pain.
^^ and I thought I hav done so.
yes, just forget everything~~
so, smile and treat it as a new beginning.

so currently i indulge myself with animes. .
thanks to gp's intro ^^, i got so much animes to watch
there is about 14 animes to watch.

List of what i <3 :
Zero no tsukaima
Shakugan no shana
Ouran High School Host Club
Strawberry Panic
Bleach

and im still on my o lvl art prep work.
Im slow~ yes.
got to finish all these quick and do my big canvas board ><
who says art is an easy subject, it kills the brain.
and it would be the best picture i will ever paint, so its damn stressful.

Tmrs is the first day of prelims,
no just half a dozen of hours to go..
o lvl is comming too. =.=
im really afraid. really really afraid..
those goals right in front of me, and the barrier - I MUST GET OVER IT (EXAMS!)

alright, the exams are still not over.

but just thinking about my goals really makes me excited -.-~

learning japanese language-

going to Japan-
going to a school with architecture course-
/business course-
fashion designs for Kenneth, haha-
^^ opening my own shop if possible-

there are more of course~~~~~

I CANT WAIT.~

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♥ 12:46 AM

Sunday, August 27, 2006

I miss those feelings. .

the feeling of loving somebody

I wont run away now.

You hide your overflowing tears

as you go so far away

but your eyes are no longer clouded

Because you know that one day, you’ll definately

obtain the light that sparkles far away

because i love you.

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♥ 1:29 AM

Saturday, August 19, 2006

1st time Clubbing.
went with, Kenneth, Gw, Ken, Leong, Glen, JH and KM

What else can i say.
fun fun fun!~

AND i danced!
its such a horrible thing. making a fool out if ourselves.
so many pro dancers. .
feel so humiliated.
but Gw keep urgeing us to dance.
so bo bian, we went to have fun right. so yep, techno blasting, *High* *Dance~*

Gd day ^^

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♥ 5:10 AM

Friday, August 11, 2006

The Marionette:

Bound by these ropes

I respond to every tug

To every command from these users

Longing for freedom

I writhe and struggle

Though my attempts go un-rewarded

Because these bonds are tied too tight

My free will, nonexistent

My tasks, constant

And my days, overflowing with deeds to be done

The tasks of the users

Will never be complete

.... But there is hope for this puppet

There will always be someone

With a knife to cut your wires

Or scissors to release you of your pain

...These strings are not unbreakable, if you believe it.

.

Some nice people send me this through email.
I thought it would be nice to post this ^^ thank you

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♥ 2:06 PM

Sunday, July 30, 2006

Sigh, just reach home
feeling dead.
feeling so down.
still feel kinda groggy, due to the alcoholic consume just now.
so . . Bear with me
guess i wont be writing long.
and don't mind if im writing craps
- im half dead. Sigh

Its her birthday today,
went to lavender to replace my lost identity card.
after that went to bugis to shop for something for her.
no fate, we didnt meet.

I decided to go to her chalet to pass her her bday present even when im not invited.
*yes im not invited. =(

and i didnt even f*g know where is the location..
called all her friends on my phone book.
no one ans~
somehow knew its in Parsir Ris.
took a cab there and began my search -.-
took me quite a while. .
i feel so damn lost.
end up resting in costal sand resort.

I knew all along shes with him.
but i only went there to wish her happy birthday and pass her her present.
lying on the chair beside the swimming pool.
saw her and manfred walked passed me.
they didnt notice me i guess,
* so couple like.
* heartaches
* STAB STAB STAB!

called manfred instead and asked him to help me pass her her present.
freaking attitude.

and thank you all brothers who came and accompany me.

glen qw kenneth and leong came 1st
surprisingly mengli came.
and minghao came later.
i thought i only call for one people. - all came~
Really, thxs a lot.
and for helping me to buy beer.
after the 1st bottle already feel like dying, yet i finish up the second one.
kenneth talked to me a lot, for the first time, after we become 'better'
again. thx thx thx.
after drinking, i wanted to see her, and wish her happy birthday~
yep i did it.
but kinda embarassed myself. . i guess i vomited a lot. Sigh

went to the beach with them
i feel so dead tired and fall asleep at the benches.

Finished writing.
K.
its time to drift of into these little slices of death they called 'sleep'.

I heart You FZ

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♥ 8:11 AM

Saturday, July 22, 2006

21th july

I will just have to take it as a 'wake up call'
its my birthday.
its bad luck.
its just another worse day.
Again being forced to the edge.

i dont want to get expelled.
i look up to my future,
and i dont want to ruin it.
its like at this point of time, im forced to faced with sth that might destroy my path ahead.

went to school late as usual.
smoke a cigarette on the way to school.
just another day, the same usual things.
its my birthday.
i feel good, i look good.
and went to school expecting something great to happen..

things didnt go well as i had planned.

slipped my cigarette case into my bag.

and a darn car stopped by me.

and so much for hopeing to have suprises.

Its Mr Ong. . $#%#R$%@#%

He took my bag with my cigarettes inside.

Bad.

alright. now i feel lost.

threatened to get expell from school.

I pray hard and hope that i will still get to stay.

finish this five months, get my o lvl cert and leave school, probaly with good results.

{but im stuck, am i? ..}

talked to Mdm Ngo,

she told me that she could help.

blah. nearly cry. but i feel alot better.

"What are the feelings? How do you feel right now?"

"Hopeless, upset, disappointed, regret." and yes "afraid" *Promised to change if i can still stay in school.

"but its my birthday, isnt everything supposed to go according to my way?"

"i guess that its just a wake up call, to this point you are forced to wake up to change, to be awake to carry on, to carry on. your future.""i know you have big dreams, I can see that you could make something big out in your future. "

(well i wrote all these crap in school. .)

went back to have a haircut,
Shanel walk up to me and pass me my bday gift when im about to leave school.
*sorry for the dead expression. . but i smiled.

and thanks Coryn and Prislin for the nail polish -.-"

My Daddy came to school and had a talk with Mr Ong.
I guess that im still staying,
but wth, he took my name out of the school list already?
forget it. i hate Mr Ong now.

*thanks mdm ngo,
she prayed for me ; ;

I reach home and fall asleep in the couch.
im so damn tired. both physically and mentally.
and my mom woke me up and to my suprise, she bought a birthday cake for me ^^
its not much of a celebration. but thanks, mom and dad.
took a piece of cake out and went out to have a walk. . -.-"

A new day

alright, my birthday is over.

smile boy~

one year older.

plenty of dreams to continue chaseing

good day~

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♥ 12:44 AM

Friday, July 21, 2006

What a day. . .

I will come back to blog later, i think i have alot to say. .

gone out to celebrate last 1hr of my birthday ^^

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♥ 10:59 PM