ー★

2006-09-13T00:46:00.000+08:00

OO UPDATE!~

I will not be posting as much as usual already, mostly due to exams and maybe some personal reason. lol.

up to this point where you just feel so lost, depressing, disorganized, inconsistent, faded.
and you wanted to throw away 'everything' - full of sorrows and pain.
^^ and I thought I hav done so.
yes, just forget everything~~
so, smile and treat it as a new beginning.

so currently i indulge myself with animes. .
thanks to gp's intro ^^, i got so much animes to watch
there is about 14 animes to watch.

List of what i <3 :
Zero no tsukaima
Shakugan no shana
Ouran High School Host Club
Strawberry Panic
Bleach

and im still on my o lvl art prep work.
Im slow~ yes.
got to finish all these quick and do my big canvas board ><
who says art is an easy subject, it kills the brain.
and it would be the best picture i will ever paint, so its damn stressful.

Tmrs is the first day of prelims,
no just half a dozen of hours to go..
o lvl is comming too. =.=
im really afraid. really really afraid..
those goals right in front of me, and the barrier - I MUST GET OVER IT (EXAMS!)

alright, the exams are still not over.

but just thinking about my goals really makes me excited -.-~

learning japanese language-

going to Japan-
going to a school with architecture course-
/business course-
fashion designs for Kenneth, haha-
^^ opening my own shop if possible-

there are more of course~~~~~

I CANT WAIT.~

2006-08-27T01:29:00.000+08:00

I miss those feelings. .

the feeling of loving somebody

I wont run away now.

You hide your overflowing tears

as you go so far away

but your eyes are no longer clouded

Because you know that one day, you’ll definately

obtain the light that sparkles far away

because i love you.

2006-08-19T05:10:00.000+08:00

1st time Clubbing.
went with, Kenneth, Gw, Ken, Leong, Glen, JH and KM

What else can i say.
fun fun fun!~

AND i danced!
its such a horrible thing. making a fool out if ourselves.
so many pro dancers. .
feel so humiliated.
but Gw keep urgeing us to dance.
so bo bian, we went to have fun right. so yep, techno blasting, *High* *Dance~*

Gd day ^^

2006-08-11T14:06:00.000+08:00

The Marionette:

Bound by these ropes

I respond to every tug

To every command from these users

Longing for freedom

I writhe and struggle

Though my attempts go un-rewarded

Because these bonds are tied too tight

My free will, nonexistent

My tasks, constant

And my days, overflowing with deeds to be done

The tasks of the users

Will never be complete

.... But there is hope for this puppet

There will always be someone

With a knife to cut your wires

Or scissors to release you of your pain

...These strings are not unbreakable, if you believe it.

.

Some nice people send me this through email.
I thought it would be nice to post this ^^ thank you

2006-07-30T08:11:00.000+08:00

Sigh, just reach home
feeling dead.
feeling so down.
still feel kinda groggy, due to the alcoholic consume just now.
so . . Bear with me
guess i wont be writing long.
and don't mind if im writing craps
- im half dead. Sigh

Its her birthday today,
went to lavender to replace my lost identity card.
after that went to bugis to shop for something for her.
no fate, we didnt meet.

I decided to go to her chalet to pass her her bday present even when im not invited.
*yes im not invited. =(

and i didnt even f*g know where is the location..
called all her friends on my phone book.
no one ans~
somehow knew its in Parsir Ris.
took a cab there and began my search -.-
took me quite a while. .
i feel so damn lost.
end up resting in costal sand resort.

I knew all along shes with him.
but i only went there to wish her happy birthday and pass her her present.
lying on the chair beside the swimming pool.
saw her and manfred walked passed me.
they didnt notice me i guess,
* so couple like.
* heartaches
* STAB STAB STAB!

called manfred instead and asked him to help me pass her her present.
freaking attitude.

and thank you all brothers who came and accompany me.

glen qw kenneth and leong came 1st
surprisingly mengli came.
and minghao came later.
i thought i only call for one people. - all came~
Really, thxs a lot.
and for helping me to buy beer.
after the 1st bottle already feel like dying, yet i finish up the second one.
kenneth talked to me a lot, for the first time, after we become 'better'
again. thx thx thx.
after drinking, i wanted to see her, and wish her happy birthday~
yep i did it.
but kinda embarassed myself. . i guess i vomited a lot. Sigh

went to the beach with them
i feel so dead tired and fall asleep at the benches.

Finished writing.
K.
its time to drift of into these little slices of death they called 'sleep'.

I heart You FZ

2006-07-22T00:44:00.000+08:00

21th july

I will just have to take it as a 'wake up call'
its my birthday.
its bad luck.
its just another worse day.
Again being forced to the edge.

i dont want to get expelled.
i look up to my future,
and i dont want to ruin it.
its like at this point of time, im forced to faced with sth that might destroy my path ahead.

went to school late as usual.
smoke a cigarette on the way to school.
just another day, the same usual things.
its my birthday.
i feel good, i look good.
and went to school expecting something great to happen..

things didnt go well as i had planned.

slipped my cigarette case into my bag.

and a darn car stopped by me.

and so much for hopeing to have suprises.

Its Mr Ong. . $#%#R$%@#%

He took my bag with my cigarettes inside.

Bad.

alright. now i feel lost.

threatened to get expell from school.

I pray hard and hope that i will still get to stay.

finish this five months, get my o lvl cert and leave school, probaly with good results.

{but im stuck, am i? ..}

talked to Mdm Ngo,

she told me that she could help.

blah. nearly cry. but i feel alot better.

"What are the feelings? How do you feel right now?"

"Hopeless, upset, disappointed, regret." and yes "afraid" *Promised to change if i can still stay in school.

"but its my birthday, isnt everything supposed to go according to my way?"

"i guess that its just a wake up call, to this point you are forced to wake up to change, to be awake to carry on, to carry on. your future.""i know you have big dreams, I can see that you could make something big out in your future. "

(well i wrote all these crap in school. .)

went back to have a haircut,
Shanel walk up to me and pass me my bday gift when im about to leave school.
*sorry for the dead expression. . but i smiled.

and thanks Coryn and Prislin for the nail polish -.-"

My Daddy came to school and had a talk with Mr Ong.
I guess that im still staying,
but wth, he took my name out of the school list already?
forget it. i hate Mr Ong now.

*thanks mdm ngo,
she prayed for me ; ;

I reach home and fall asleep in the couch.
im so damn tired. both physically and mentally.
and my mom woke me up and to my suprise, she bought a birthday cake for me ^^
its not much of a celebration. but thanks, mom and dad.
took a piece of cake out and went out to have a walk. . -.-"

A new day

alright, my birthday is over.

smile boy~

one year older.

plenty of dreams to continue chaseing

good day~

2006-07-21T22:59:00.000+08:00

What a day. . .

I will come back to blog later, i think i have alot to say. .

gone out to celebrate last 1hr of my birthday ^^

2006-07-20T21:30:00.000+08:00

time to update a little.. -.-
eariler on. .
skip school.
watch the anime series, bleach. ^^
(just started watching recently. hmm.)
stare at the computer.

i just went home and i feel like writing.

i guess i had nothing else better to do. grab my handphone, bite a cigarette and went out to have a walk.
went to ponggol.
i was about a 3 mins walk from my hse.

i wonder why i felt so lonely. .i thought i had given up all those stupid feelings.
sit on the ground with a cat beside me. haha, guess she was lonely too.
after it walked away i continue to find another place to sit.
went to a multi-storey carpark, it was a huge stupid carpark.
i decide to climb outside the rail to sit down and smoke a cigarette.
plenty enough space for my butt to sit on and swing my legs in the air.
dangerous but its kinda thrilling >< *im mad.
below me, it was i can see the expressway.
the cars speed as if the past would catch you if you look back . .
but the veiw was so worth it.. could see the flashing lights from the speeding cars below,
the night sky above me.
pretty wurbly moment, the kind most people would want to spend with a significant other or somethin..
a few people walked by on the road below. some didnt see me up a few feet above them on the edge of the carpark., and a few looked up and noticed. none came up and joined me, sitting there bitting my cigarette. smoking. i thought about people who gothrough life without looking up, and people who dont even care about the other.
I wondered if i would have looked up or talk to that person.

it was a pretty nice just to sit there and throw all your thoughts and feelings out.
you can shout and scream all you like, like a crazy madman escaped from prison. -.-
the noise from the expressway would just coverup your sweet screams of pain.

I think i need a rest.
a long one.
try to break thngs up into the simplest matters.
and understand nothing.
i think i would just lie there alone and wait for someone to wake me up.

oh, its my birthday.
I wonder who would remember or even notice. lol

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME ^^:

2006-07-15T00:23:00.000+08:00

Crucify my love

* if my love is blind

Crucify my love

if it sets me free

never know, never trust

that love should see a color

Crucify my love

if it should be that way

# swing the heartache

feel it inside out

when the wind cries

I'll say goodbye

tried to learn, tried to find

to reach out for eternity

where's the answer

is this forever

like a river flowing to the sea

you'll be miles away and I will know

I know I can deal with the pain no reason to cry

Crucify my love

till the loneliness shadows the sky

I'll be sailing down and I will know

I know I can clear clouds away

Oh! is it a crime to love

2006-07-15T00:13:00.000+08:00

SADFACE.

I just keep myself occupied with works.. I cleaned my room~ as in really clean.. from the ceiling fan to the floors. Rrawr... my room is so sparkling clean and neat now. .

if u are ignoring / avoiding me,
you could just tell me.

='(

2006-07-11T23:57:00.000+08:00

back home~
had and interesting discussion about makeing cakes with shit and pee.
shall not say any longer. .
was thinking about someones birthday

Kind of skipped school today.
Saw jm and jh at cp, went for a breakfast with them. met glen.
and decided to go to school after recess, then friends in school called and they decided to leave after recess.. 'might as well dont come to school . . -.- '
Went to school for recess though.
Just to see someone.

Tmr o lvl chinese oral. .
Didnt prepare much for it. . just wish me luck guys~ ><

Got so many things to say. so many things to do.
im kinda restricting myself.nevermind.

something changed in me this night.

sometimes you just have to think in the mind of the other person. not just caring for the sake of oneself.

have you ever stood at an empty beach..

the purple night sky, the sea so deep

and ask yourself.. is this for me?

is it enough now?

to be on your own?

on a peice of paper as plain as night

and the words dont seem to come out right..

ask yourself again, is this for me?

is it enough now?

to be on your own?

to be on your own. .

2006-07-08T22:39:00.000+08:00

I think i had the worst dream ever..
Im chasing something, an animal.. into the feild.i got tired and stopped.
I look down to the dirt and see a skull of a small animal. . .died. alone in this vastness

I think im losing faith, my whole life feels like some kind of big movie..
One that ends really violently and awful, and i cant change the script.
Its.. i guess its just that when i break down into tears on some cold night,
in some place, some place abandon, like that small animal that died in the field,
i will like there to be one person out there somewhere in the whole world, that knows why.

why do i have to think so much. .

went to the carpark alone, it had become a place for me to lie down and stare at the sky, the moon and the stars when im sad.

riot riot riot. rawrrarararrrr. . i wana change the world. ><

2006-07-08T08:33:00.000+08:00

Morning~ home sweet home.

Yesterday morning. got caught in school.. stupid class.
Mr Ong made us stand in the hot sun. .
I acted sick and was spared ><
and ftw Mr Ong said i take drugs. . . i accidentally say yes, and i covered it up with 'panadol. -.-'
Mrs kang left. .a new relief teacher came to take over, and and and he sucks. lousy attitude. how are you going to teach us like this.

Going to have a haircut real soon. . i promised many teachers.. .

Feel so tired..
went j8 to pass her back sth {just to see her} then meet up with mh,
went to Changi airport, meet up with gj and jun there.
4 guys, sat at the viewing mall, talked about stars and girls.. and slack until the morning..
Didnt know that the airport was such a nice slacking place.

.. somehow i just wish that she was there with me.
*imu so much

..well, there's no consolation and fake hopes.only real vodkas and hard tears =3

i am going to do my english compo later. >< .
Sleep~!

2006-07-07T00:39:00.000+08:00

{..Cold}

, Inside, or perhaps its just the cold rainy day.

Class was boring as usual. Simply just sat at my seat and stare into the air. . ......DAMN i wanna STUDY!

I just cant concentrate in class..

and and and. i miss the holidays. o(╥﹏╥)o

"you have done everything what a man can do. what you left now is to wait."

bx: "no... , maybe. . . i dont know.""

end, going down to smoke. Its a daily routine. so dont ask.

2006-07-05T15:59:00.000+08:00

i smiled today! though its so fake. but i SMILED!!

i drew a picture today. i guess the best way im going to let out my feelings is to draw and write.i draw a cartoon 'me'~. i like it so much ><. yes. im going to draw more of them.i will upload them soon.

"let me say ugly things,
can wake up more?.
yes.
wait. and try harder is one fact.
or another factor. Give up."
-

"life isnt all about one girl."
-

till one day. you cry alone. till you dont know what to do.
use your own hand sayang yourself on your head. "dont cry anymore, the better will come."
='(

"move my heart."

think * . . .how?*

*poke* at the locked cage
"girl, give me the key"

*...
what is the key?

"girl, why is it locked?"
"who locked it?"

*...how hard. .

*i sit beside your caged heart, meddling, with the lock. ..maybe ..maybe,
one day you would come in mine. cage and lock yourself in my heart.

my story.

Thank you, to peoples who tries to cheer me up.I know im f***ingly irritating.

I wait i wait i wait i wait i cry i wait i wait i scream i shout i wait i wait i die. and im still waiting.

2006-07-05T01:31:00.000+08:00

DONE !!

Yes, Bx got a blog now. >< took 2 days to think of a blog address. 9hrs to search for a blogskin. muahaha.

Bad day, went crazy just now.
Nah, say no more,
Just glad that im fine by now.

"you want to change the world by breaking rules and hearts..people dont do things like that in the real world at all.i can't think of any reason to make you want to try..i can think of a million reasons to lock my doors at night.i don't practice what you preach.i don't see through your eyes.you only see what you want.just kill yourself." ><

Suddenly got motivated and started counting down for my O lvls examinations. 113 days. -27 days to complete my art. =86 days. I was like "shit! 86days?" roughly 12 days to revise for each subject?! meh.., stress~..

To my friends:
Thanks to some and 凸 to some.
You know what i mean~

To her:
still waiting. yes, my decision.

2006-07-04T20:25:00.000+08:00

testing testing -_-